#89: How to Create a Birth Experience That Honors You - with midwife Caitlyn Schollmeier

Clara O'Rourke
2 days ago
4 min read

In this powerful episode of The Mindful Womb Podcast, I sit down with certified nurse midwife, childbirth educator, and founder of Lila, Caitlyn Schollmeier. Together, we unpack how birthing people can reclaim their power and create a deeply meaningful, autonomous, and empowering birth experience.

We explore:

How to shift away from fear-based narratives and embrace birth as a rite of passage
What it means to create an intentional birth space—even in a hospital
How clothing choices (like labor gowns) affect psychological safety and confidence
Breathwork, vocalization, and birth affirmations as tools for releasing fear
Finding balance between making empowered choices and surrendering to the process
Why trusting your instincts doesn’t mean ignoring helpful tools

Listen to the podcast now:

Welcoming a baby into the world is one of the most transformative and empowering experiences of a person's life. Yet, for many, the birthing process can feel overwhelming and filled with uncertainty. In this episode of the Mindful Womb Podcast, I sat down with Caitlyn Schollmeier, a certified nurse midwife, childbirth educator, and the founder of Lila, to discuss how birthing individuals can reclaim their power, exercise autonomy, and create a meaningful and empowering birth experience.

Shifting the Perspective on Birth

For too long, birth has been framed within a rigid, medicalized system that often neglects the emotional and spiritual transformation that occurs during labor. Caitlyn and I talked about how birth should be seen as a rite of passage, just as we celebrate other significant life events such as weddings. She emphasized that birthing individuals should not settle for less than an experience that makes them feel strong, powerful, and in control.

“We put so much time and effort into planning weddings and other major life events. Birth is just as significant and should be treated as such.” – Caitlyn Schollmeier

Creating an Intentional Birth Environment

One of the most effective ways to foster a sense of control during birth is by shaping your environment. Simple yet powerful changes can drastically shift the energy in a hospital room, making it feel more personal and calming. Some key recommendations include:

Dimming the lights to create a warm, soothing atmosphere.
Bringing familiar and comforting items, such as your own gown, blankets, or essential oils.
Setting up calming sounds like music or birth affirmations.
Using a labor gown that reflects your personality and comfort, rather than the standard hospital gown, which can make people feel vulnerable.

The Mind-Body Connection: Releasing Fear and Embracing Trust

Fear and stress can significantly impact labor progression. Caitlyn explains how fear activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, which can stall labor. Recognizing this, we discussed tools to help expectant parents tap into their inner strength:

Breathwork and vocalization: Moaning and rhythmic breathing can help the body surrender to the process.
Birth affirmations: Writing and reciting positive affirmations can help reprogram fear-based narratives.
Limiting exposure to negative birth stories: Social media and well-meaning friends can sometimes plant fear rather than inspire confidence.

The Balance Between Control and Surrender

A crucial part of birth is balancing agency with surrender. Caitlyn shared her own experience of pursuing a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) and how, despite her extensive knowledge, she had to let go of rigid expectations. This balance can be achieved through:

Creating a birth plan: Not as a strict script, but as a guide to help communicate preferences.
Knowing your options: Education can empower you to make informed choices while allowing space for flexibility.
Leaning on a supportive birth team: Whether through a doula, midwife, or supportive provider, having the right people around you can make a significant difference.

The Role of Comfort in Birth

Caitlyn’s labor gown company, Lila, was born out of a desire to humanize the birth experience. Many people don’t realize the psychological impact of wearing a hospital gown, which studies show can make patients feel more exposed and vulnerable. Choosing your own clothing—whether a familiar oversized T-shirt or a specially designed labor gown—can be a small but powerful way to reclaim autonomy in the birth space.

Trusting Yourself as a New Parent

Beyond birth, the journey of parenthood also requires a balance of trusting intuition and using available tools. Caitlyn introduced me to a new baby monitor, Elora, which supports parents without relying on fear-based marketing. This tool focuses not only on the baby’s breathing but also on development, interaction, and overall well-being.

“Parents are often told to just trust their instincts—but we’re also in an age where we have access to data that can support those instincts without creating unnecessary anxiety.” –Caitlyn Schollmeier

Final Thoughts: You Are the Leader of Your Birth Experience

As Caitlyn and I discussed, reclaiming your power in birth is about understanding that you are the decision-maker. Your voice matters. Your preferences matter. Birth is not something that happens to you, but rather something you actively participate in.

If you’re preparing for birth, consider:

Taking a childbirth education class to build confidence.
Hiring a doula to advocate and support you.
Creating an intentional birth space that aligns with your comfort.
Practicing mindfulness techniques to manage fear and anxiety.
Wearing what makes you feel strong and comfortable—because you deserve it.

For those looking for more guidance, I offer a free birth plan template, which can help you craft a vision for your ideal birth experience. You can also explore Caitlyn’s labor gowns at Lila and follow her journey on : TikTok : @themodernmidwifeInstagram @lila.laborwear

Your Birth, Your Power

At the heart of it all, birth is a deeply personal and transformational experience. Whether at home, in a birth center, or in a hospital, you have the right to feel empowered, informed, and respected. Your birth matters. You matter. And you are more powerful than you realize.

Did this episode inspire you? Share your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to subscribe to the Mindful Womb Podcast for more insightful conversations on birth, mindfulness, and parenthood!

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