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#92: How to Advocate for Yourself in Birth (Even If You’re Not Assertive)

You’ve probably heard the advice: “You need to advocate for yourself during labor.” But what does that actually mean—especially if you’re not someone who feels naturally assertive?

In this episode of The Mindful Womb Podcast, we’re unpacking what self-advocacy really looks like in the birth space. From debunking myths to sharing grounded communication tools and real-life phrases you can use during labor, this episode is your guide to feeling informed, calm, and in control—even in the most intense moments.

We’ll cover:

  • Why advocacy isn’t about confrontation (and what it is about)

  • How to speak up without being aggressive

  • The one sentence that helped my client Tasha reclaim her voice

  • Practical scripts for common birth scenarios

  • How to include your partner in the advocacy process

  • Why advocacy begins long before labor

Listen to the episode now:

Welcome to another episode of the Mindful Womb Podcast!  Today, we're diving into one of the most empowering and misunderstood topics in childbirth preparation: self-advocacy. You've probably heard the advice, “You need to advocate for yourself during labor,”—but what does that actually look like, especially if you’re not naturally assertive?

In this episode, I’ll take you through the heart of self-advocacy in the birth space, debunk myths, and share real-world strategies and phrases you can use to stay grounded, informed, and empowered during your labor.

What Is Self-Advocacy in Birth?

Let’s start by reframing what self-advocacy isn't: It’s not about being combative. It’s not about challenging authority for the sake of it. True advocacy is about:

  • Clarity: Knowing your preferences and values.

  • Communication: Expressing yourself in a way others can hear and respect.

  • Courage: Speaking up—even when it’s uncomfortable.

  • Vulnerability: Allowing yourself to feel deeply and act with intention.

Self-advocacy is about participation in your birth experience, not passively watching it unfold.

A Real Birth Story: Tasha's Moment of Power

Tasha, one of my clients, is a great example of gentle, effective advocacy. She identified as a “people pleaser” and felt terrified she’d say "yes" to interventions she didn’t truly want. So we practiced communication tools and created a flexible birth plan.

During her labor, a nurse suggested breaking her water. Rather than feeling frozen or pressured, Tasha looked at her partner and said: “I’d like to ask for a few more minutes before making a decision.”

That one sentence changed everything.

She created space. She accessed her inner wisdom. And ultimately, she declined the intervention confidently and respectfully.

Reframing Confrontation

Many people associate confrontation with negativity. But did you know the root of "confrontation" is courageous communication from the heart? Confrontation literally means open-hearted communication. And yes, this required being empathetic and vulnerable.

Being a leader in your birth doesn't mean being bossy. It means recognizing that:

  • You are not an observer of your birth—you are the CEO of your birth team.

  • Everyone else is your support staff: your OB, midwife, doula, nurse, and partner.

  • You have the right to ask questions, decline interventions, and even change your mind.

The Core Tools of Advocacy

To advocate effectively, you don’t need a script—you need a toolkit. Here are four essentials:

1. Partner Support

Your partner or support person plays a critical role. If they can hold the space and speak up when needed, you can focus on labor. If that’s not in their comfort zone, consider hiring a doula who understands your communication style and can protect space for you to make decisions.

2. Time and Space

Sometimes, the most powerful phrase you can say is: “Can we have a few minutes to talk this over?”

3. Simple, Respectful Language

Use calm, grounded language to express your needs:

  • “Can you explain the benefits and risks?”

  • “Are there any alternatives?”

  • “Is this an emergency, or do we have time to decide?”

  • “I’m not sure I consented to this—can we pause?”

These aren't confrontational—they're collaborative. You cannot legally consent to a procedure without having all the risks, benefits, and alternatives explained to you clearly!

4. Emotional Grounding

Birth is intense. Overstimulation is real. Here are gentle ways to advocate for emotional space:

  • “Can you please lower your voice?”

  • “I need a moment to gather myself.”

  • “Could we have some quiet to ground?”

Common Scenarios and What to Say

Here are five real-life scenarios and practical responses:

✅ Scenario 1: Offered an Unexpected Intervention

Say:

  • “Could you walk us through the benefits and risks?”

  • “We need a few minutes to discuss.”

🚨 Scenario 2: Feeling Rushed

Say:

  • “Is this an emergency where minutes count?”

  • “I'd like to understand more before I consent.”

🧏 Scenario 3: Left Out of a Decision

Say:

  • “I’d like to be involved in this decision.”

  • “Can you explain what’s happening in simpler terms?”

🧘 Scenario 4: Feeling Overwhelmed

Say:

  • “Let’s pause for a breath before continuing.”

  • “I need a moment of quiet to ground myself.”

❤️ Scenario 5: Partner Advocacy

Partner Says:

  • “They’re not ready to make a decision yet.”

  • “Can we slow down? We need more time.”

These phrases show respect while reinforcing your authority in the room.

Advocacy Starts During Pregnancy

If your provider isn’t open to questions or you feel dismissed during prenatal visits—that’s a red flag. You deserve a care team that listens, supports, and respects your voice.

Build advocacy muscle by:

  • Bringing 2–3 questions to every prenatal visit.

  • Practicing with your support person.

  • Reflecting on how providers respond—do they listen? Are they open?

Self-Advocacy + Nervous System Support

A calm nervous system makes advocacy easier. Practices like deep breathing, visualization, and nervous system regulation help you speak from a grounded place. Remember: courage often exists because vulnerability is present.

You don’t need to be loud to be powerful. You don’t need a medical degree to ask good questions. You don’t need to say yes to everything, just because someone’s wearing scrubs.

You are worthy of a birth that honors your:

  • Body

  • Voice

  • Boundaries

  • Choices

Want More Support?

If you want to dive deeper into practicing these skills, check out my childbirth class, A Path to a Powerful Birth—a comprehensive course with a whole module dedicated to advocacy. Most insurances will reimburse the cost, so it’s a worthwhile investment in your empowered birth experience.

If you found this helpful, send it to your partner or a fellow parent-to-be. Advocacy isn't just about one voice—it’s about a team. And when you prepare together, you birth together from a place of strength and trust.

Remember: Your voice matters. Your birth matters. And you are more powerful than you know.

Thank You for Listening

If this episode lights you up, I’d love it if you’d rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. After you review the show, snap a pic and upload it here… and I’ll send you a little surprise as a thank you.


Your feedback helps this podcast grow, and I am so grateful for your support!


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