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#97: What No One Told Me About Postpartum—and Why I Became a Postpartum Doula- with Sam Byington

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In this tender, deeply affirming episode of The Mindful Womb Podcast, I sit down with Sam Byington—former private chef turned postpartum doula and certified lactation counselor—for a conversation every parent deserves to hear.


We go beyond diaper tips and freezer meals to talk about the real postpartum: the identity shifts, the relationship changes, the raw beauty, and the quiet grief no one warns you about. Sam shares her personal story of miscarriage, birth, and the messy, magical transformation into parenthood—and how it ultimately led her to become the support she once needed.


Whether you're expecting, newly postpartum, or holding space for someone who is, this episode is a balm.


We explore:

  • How miscarriage shaped her postpartum calling

  • The emotional and physical truths no one told her about postpartum recovery

  • Breastfeeding struggles and the myths that set new parents up to feel like they're failing

  • How babywearing and bed-sharing became tools of survival and connection

  • What sleep deprivation really feels like

  • Intimacy, identity shifts, and learning to speak your needs

  • The power of slow, grounded postpartum care—and how Sam now provides it to others


Listen to the episode now:


Welcome back to the Mindful Womb podcast blog—where we explore the ever-evolving journey of pregnancy, birth, and beyond with radical honesty and deep reverence. In this episode, I had the absolute joy of sitting down with Sam Byington, a former private chef turned postpartum doula and certified lactation counselor, to talk about one of the most overlooked but deeply transformative stages of parenthood: the postpartum experience.


This blog post is an in-depth companion to our conversation—whether you're expecting, newly postpartum, or supporting someone who is. Grab a cup of tea, take a breath, and prepare to be seen.


From Food to Feeding: Sam’s Winding Path to Postpartum Support

Sam’s journey into postpartum work wasn’t linear—few are. With a background in food service and personal chef work, her career began in nourishment. But it was through the deeply personal experiences of miscarriage, pregnancy, birth, and early parenting that her focus shifted to another kind of nourishment: supporting new families through the tender postpartum period.


A pivotal miscarriage opened her eyes to the gaps in compassionate, holistic care, especially in how our medical systems often overlook the emotional and spiritual needs during pregnancy loss. That experience, followed by her own home birth, led Sam to become a postpartum doula and lactation counselor, driven by both passion and lived experience.


What No One Told Her About Postpartum: The Missing Preparation

Sam poured energy into preparing for birth. She read, researched, and crafted a plan—but, like many, she admits her postpartum planning fell short. “I made freezer meals. I had help from my mom. But I didn’t really know what to expect—physically, emotionally, relationally.”


Let’s be clear: this is not a failure. It’s a reflection of a larger cultural silence around postpartum recovery.


Sam now looks back and wishes she had been better prepared for:

  • The physical intensity of recovery: pain with urination, swelling, and the underestimated challenge of simply going to the bathroom.

  • The mental and emotional rollercoaster: unexpected guilt, moments of rage, and being emotionally flooded.

  • The relationship shifts: how intimacy, connection, and expectations with her partner have radically changed.


Identity, Guilt & The Mental Terrain of New Parenthood

Postpartum isn’t just about the baby—it’s also about the rebirth of the parent. Sam described a visceral moment of realization just hours after birth: “I have to feed this baby…from my body…and I can barely move.” That moment marked a tectonic identity shift. The birth of her child meant the death of her pre-parent self—and that was both heartbreaking and beautiful.


Many new parents experience this internal tug-of-war:

  • “Am I doing enough?”

  • “I love my baby, but I need space. Is that okay?”

  • “I feel touched out, but I miss connection with my partner.”


These conflicting truths can coexist. And they do. Often.


Breastfeeding: A Love Story with a Hard Beginning

Despite her early lactation education, Sam struggled with breastfeeding. Painful latching, nipple shields, and exhaustion led her to consider stopping. But something in her told her to keep going—and eventually, things clicked.


A few insights for new parents:

  • It may hurt at first.

  • There is no one right way. You can use shields, pumps, donor milk, formula, or a combo.

  • Get help. Sam credits her IBCLC with guiding her through those initial weeks.

  • Frequency is everything. “He wanted to feed every 45 minutes,” Sam said. “I had heard ‘every two hours’ and thought I was doing something wrong.”


Today, she calls breastfeeding her most cherished connection with her son—and now helps others as a lactation counselor.


Let’s Talk About Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)

Sleep deprivation is more than “being tired.” It’s physiological, psychological, and spiritual exhaustion.


In those early days, Sam described feeding her baby every 45 minutes around the clock. Sleep came in 30- to 60-minute chunks. She experienced jumpiness, brain fog, and the surreal sensation of existing in a “sleep-deprived haze.”


Her solution? A family bed. By bed-sharing safely and intentionally, Sam was able to meet her baby’s needs and get the most rest possible.


🛏️ Note: Safe bed-sharing requires intention and awareness. Resources like La Leche League and Safe Sleep Seven are great starting points.


Babywearing & Biological Norms

One of the most empowering lessons Sam learned was about normal infant behavior. She spent those first weeks trying to “put the baby down,” following mainstream ideas about self-soothing and independence. But it felt wrong. And eventually, she realized why:


Humans are carrying mammals. Babies are biologically programmed to stay close to their parent’s body for regulation, feeding, and survival.


Babywearing allowed her to cook, move, and be herself—while staying connected to her baby. It was a game-changer. Her advice? “Trust your gut. Wear the baby. Don't let outdated advice override your intuition.”


Relationships & Intimacy Postpartum

Sam opened up about another taboo topic: sex and intimacy after baby.


She shared how the hormonal landscape of breastfeeding can dampen libido, and how being “touched out” makes intimacy feel overwhelming. But, through honest communication and redefining what intimacy looks like (a hug, a show on the couch, a deep conversation), she and her partner are finding their way back.


💬 “Intimacy evolves,” she said. “And clear, open communication is everything.”


Becoming the Support She Needed

Ultimately, what brought Sam to become a doula was the power of the hands that held her—her doula, her mother, her community. Now, she wants to be that presence for others. Not to fix everything. But to listen, nourish, and witness.


“Even just sitting with someone, talking, and being there without expectation—that’s what I needed. And that’s what I want to give.”


The Joy: What Makes It All Worth It

After all the sleep loss, identity shifts, and physical healing, what stands out the most for Sam is the pure, overwhelming joy.


She describes watching her son grow as “the biggest gift of my lifetime.”


Yes, postpartum is hard. Yes, it’s tender, raw, and often messy. But it is also filled with the most soul-filling moments of love, pride, and connection.


Final Reflections: Holding the Whole Spectrum

In postpartum, you may feel:

  • Exhilarated and exhausted.

  • Deeply connected and deeply lost.

  • Full of love and full of fear.


All of it is real. All of it belongs.


Postpartum is not a problem to be solved. It’s a season to be supported.


Resources & How to Connect with Sam

Interested in learning more about Sam’s postpartum and lactation support services?


Whether you're a new parent, expecting, or simply postpartum-curious—know this: you are not alone. You are worthy of support. And this journey, with all its ups and downs, is one of the most powerful transitions of a lifetime.


Thank You for Listening

If this episode lights you up, I’d love it if you’d rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. After you review the show, snap a pic and upload it here… and I’ll send you a little surprise as a thank you.


Your feedback helps this podcast grow, and I am so grateful for your support!


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